A newly released quarterly report indicates that Piscataway, New Jersey based plumbing fixtures manufacturer American Standard (no relation) saw unprecedented profits in the summer of 2021. The reports provided to investors this Thursday reveal the company’s roaring success: gross revenue is up 54% compared to the second quarter of year largely due to nearly doubling its sales of drinking fountains.
The report details the company’s partnership with school districts who wanted to prepare for FDA’s authorization of multiple COVID-19 vaccines in children by installing special drinking fountains for unvaccinated children and staff in an effort to provide separate but equal hydration opportunities.
Surprisingly, both pro-vaccination and anti-vaccination groups came out in support of the upgrade at school board meetings across the country. To understand this outcome, we sought representatives of each camp to discover how, in this increasingly divisive country of ours, the two opposing parties found common ground.
Dr. Brown, a virologist from Howard University Medical School, explained that “SARS-CoV-2 variants like Delta have raised concerns about the effectiveness of current preventive interventions to stop the spread of the virus, but we know that all of the authorized vaccines are safe and effective at preventing serious illness and death. The populations who continue to resist this fact continue to be hospitalized and die at alarming rates.”
The doctor went on to address the specific concerns of water fountains, dryly concluding that, “By strictly defining who can use each water fountain you reduce the possibility of a decent student drinking from the fountain after an unvaccinated student touched it with their lips or saliva, effectively keeping COVID-19 exposure within the unvaccinated group where it belongs.”
While Miss Ann Genhart, the leader of the “Resist Vaccine Tyranny,” Facebook group, largely disagrees with Dr. Brown’s premises, she does agree with the decision to bring in separate fountains. “These needle lovers are walking, talking disease vectors,” she stated energetically, continuing to explain that vaccinated people are shedding a “dangerous spike protein that causes menstrual cycle irregularities, miscarriages, and sterility in other women nearby.” Look,” she said, nearly shouting, “this vaccine spike is a hundred times more dangerous than Coronavirus itself but that’s being covered up. The bottom line is that if our girls are forced to drink from the same fountains as those vaccinated brutes we’re sacrificing their purity and breedability! What’s next?”
When asked if wearing a mask might help prevent the spike protein from spreading, she refused to answer anymore questions and abruptly ended the interview.
Financial Disclosure: American Standard News has no investments of or relationship with American Standard US, the plumbing fixtures company mentioned in this article. And this author prefers Glacier Bay toilets personally.